Deep Inside

My heart is changing.  Deep inside I want to change.  

Deep inside I want to be better today, right now than I was yesterday.

My self worth is changing.  Deep inside I know I am precious.

Deep inside I know that I was, am so loved that someone died for me.

My purpose in life is changing.  Deep inside I realize that I am more than career, hobby, boyfriend, or physical beauty.  Deep inside I realize that my true purpose is to intimately know the one who saved me.

My desires are changing.  Deep inside I  want to become more beautiful.

Deep inside I want to become more attractive.

Deep inside I want to dance for the one I love.

Deep inside I want to say everything I feel to the one I love.

Deep inside I want to be more kind, more honest, more pure, more patient.

Deep inside...

Deep inside I know that Jesus Christ died to save my life.

Deep inside I know that every day I live I am knowing Him more intimately.

Deep inside I see myself more and more as He sees me.

Deep inside I know my savior lives and I know that I love Him

... and I always will.

This is why I want to be a better person.  This is why I want to be more beautiful.  But how does one become more attractive to a perfect God?  How can I possibly capture His attention?

The Bible tells me that I don't have to worry about this.  For Jesus knew me before the world even existed.  When Jesus hung on the cross in agony it was me that he thought of. It was the thought of seeing me, being with me in eternity that made His sacrifice worth it for Him.  

He knew every sin I would ever commit.  He knew every failure I would ever make.  He knew every odd thing about me.  But none of it was enough to disgust Him.  None of it was enough for Him to leave me behind.  I have never known any friend or lover like this.

How could I?  He is perfection.  

And even though I know I don't deserve it I so deeply yearn to be with Him, to gaze at His face, to hear His voice, to walk with Him, and talk with Him.

Jesus I want you to know that even though I fail so many times,

even though I can't stop sinning,

even though I don't know how to be what I was meant to be,

I love you.

And I am so sorry for being part of the reason why you had to die on the cross.

But I also want you to know that every day I live you are on my mind.  I want you to know that I desire to change.  I want you to know that I look forward to meeting you face to face.

Show me 

my Creator,

my Savior,

my Lover,

my Eternity

how I can be beautiful for you.

Deep inside... I know you will.

~ Sincerity