January 18, 2010

Is Purity Dead?

I had an interesting conversation with my parents, my grandmother, and an uncle the other night.  During the conversation the topic about boyfriends and girlfriends came up.  And then not far behind came the topic about purity.  I look at my parents and I see a miracle.  In fact I think its safe to say that any couple that marries and stays married these days is a miracle.

Times were different when my parents were young and their time was different from when my grandmother was young.  And what we've all noticed is that there seems to be an increasing rise in immaturity with the youth of today.  I'm really not certain anyone can point to any one thing or place in time and say that's the reason why.

But I'm getting off track here.  Anyway our conversation floated into an experience I had a few years back with a friend.  A friend that was a guy. A boyfriend in the most literal sense.  We got along very well and were getting to know each other nicely.  He had become a Christian a few years before I met him and was " on fire" for the Lord.  He was a good man as far as I could tell.

Our relationship continued and he wanted us to be more than friends.  And then he asked me if it would be a problem to know that he had been quite sexually active before becaming a Christian even though he was different now.  My heart ached.  I really, really, REALLY liked him!  But I had to think about what he said.  He knew me well enough to know that I never played " hanky panky."

I was flattered that he thought so highly of me and wanted to date me!  I knew I loved him so much that if he asked me to marry him I would say yes.  In a heartbeat.  But was it really wise of me to risk sexual diseases and health complications?  I had obeyed what the Bible said.  I had kept myself pure.  Needing to speak to someone I trusted I sought advice from my father. He brought up the point that sexual sin, especially the lust kind, is extremely difficult to resist even when you are a Christian.  Who's to say this man wouldn't be tempted again in the future after we're married with kids?

After great deliberation I broke off the relationship and my friend told me that I was the kind of girl he always dreamed of and that he was sorry he never cared about purity before.  It was one of the saddest goodbyes I ever experienced. It still hurts and I suspect to a degree it always will.  But that's what sin does... it hurts us. Maybe not in the moment of sinning but the pain does come.

After retelling this story to my uncle he expressed sadness over the seemingly insatiable lust that's so prevalent in society today.  There have to be others like me but frankly I do realize that the numbers may be very few.  And just because I've kept myself pure doesn't mean I'm perfect!  I'm not.  But I would never walk into a bar or nightclub just because I feel lonely. I know that's not the place to be spending time.

Does this mean I have condemned myself to a life of singleness?  I don't know.  My mother certainly hopes not.  But I would rather wait for the right person than marry the wrong one.  There are so many examples of that today.  And if I never marry I know God will care for me as He has done all my life.

And if any of you readers out there are single and wondering the same things, be encouraged!  God knows the desires of your heart and he knows the path your lives will take.  Tell him how you feel.  I have prayed for single friends of mine, that God would bring the right person into their lives. And He answered every prayer!  It can happen.  But if not, it isn't because you are too weird or ugly.  Its because He has a specific and unique plan for your life.

God bless.

" Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." Proverbs 4:23


Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Thank you for such an honest post. I read it with interest. I debated about whether to leave a comment or not. I don't want to come across as knowing what is the right thing to do cause i can only speak from within my own limited sphere of experience and observation.

I agree that purity is important. It was how God intends us to enter into the sanctity of marriage. A couple who enters in marriage without the burden of sexual promiscuity certainly has far lest problems to overcome. And in light of so many failed marriages, it is wise to chose carefully. It is certainly better to be single than be in a bad marriage.

However, I also hold that even the worst marriage can work if the couple is willing to work at accommodating each other and putting the other partner first. Likewise, even the most promising marriage can fail if the couple fails to work at it.

My final thought on this is that despite the value of purity entering in to marriage, one should not forget that God forgives those that repent and change their lives. We all have sinned in one way or another and we have all tasted God's grace. And God's grace is about a new life in Him. So it is possible for some to be given another chance.

After all didn't God ask Hosea to marry the harlot and forgive her indiscretions? Which is a reflection of how Christ loves His equally imperfect church?


Mr.LGS: Don't worry! Your opinions are most welcome. :) And you have brought up excellent points. Yes Hosea did marry the harlot and king David, the man after God's own heart, had many wives.

Life can be complicated in that there aren't always clear white and black answers. Anyone can have a second chance and I am certainly not without faults either.

At the same time I know many couples who have found mates who held on to purity despite the seemingly insurmountable odds. That certainly doesn't mean they are perfect but the faith and hope they held on to was richly rewarded.