October 04, 2009
My Birthday Wish
Today is my birthday and it has me thinking about a lot of things. One of the first thoughts in my mind when I awoke today was that time goes by too fast. Over 25 years of my life have gone by in a blink of an eye!
The next thought I had was what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. That really wasn't hard for me to figure out. I just want to be able to support my parents when the time comes. In fact, being able to care for my parents is my greatest wish in life, second only to serving God.
I get discouraged and fearful when I start thinking about this because I really don't know how my circumstances can improve. And although I know God opens doors and I know that my desire is good... I don't know if it will come to pass.
My third thought revolved around marriage. Several people have asked me if I would like to marry. I think it would be wonderful but as things stand in my life right now that doesn't seem possible. Without getting into it too deep, every man I've met just hasn't worked out. And believe me when I say that I've done a lot of soul searching to make sure it isn't me that's causing the disconnect.
Sometimes we find ourselves in places we never thought we would be. For instance, when I was younger I always thought I would be married by now and/or have a good and steady salary. Go figure. But I'm learning to remember God's promises when I feel hopeless and defeated. He knows my heart, he knows my past, and he knows my future. I have to ignore my feelings when they turn against me and against what the Bible says. But its not easy.
God has blessed me with another year of life and as I stand on the precipice of another year I wonder what I will face. Will it be a fruitful year? Will it bring heart-ache? Will I live to see my next birthday? Will I be where I am this time next year? Only God knows the answers.
Jeremiah 29:11 says: "' For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"
God is good. He treats me better than I deserve. He is faithful and never leaves any of his children in need. And God is my father. He delights in giving me good and wonderful things. He has done so in the past and I know He will do so again.
Matthew 16:23 "' ... Get behind me Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.'"
Sometimes I am aware of negative thoughts and see them for what they are... lies. The Bible says that Satan is like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour. Negative thoughts and feelings of hopelessness are very crippling and powerful weapons he uses. I am learning to rebuke those thoughts and feelings when they hit me hard, like they did today. These times are also when I'm so thankful I have kept a prayer and devotional journal. I can look back and see how God has answered my cry for help in the past.
It isn't wrong to wonder about life and why things happen the way they do, but it is wrong to worry about them and wallow in self-pity. Its a hard truth for me and a lesson I have to repeatedly learn. May God grant me the courage to face my fears and defeat them. May God fill my spirit with joy and peace so that I, in turn, can share them with others.
John 15:16 " You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name."