July 11, 2009

Bashing Men Is A Good Thing?



At work one day I overheard women jabbering away about how clumsy, ungrateful, and sloppy their husbands are. One of the women went into great detail in order to properly express her disgust. The other woman sympathized with the first and did so by sharing her woes of all the wrongs her husband has done to her life. When they saw me come in they welcomed me into their fold and continued the conversation as if I too was okay with the topic.

And I remember wondering why the women were so unabashedly bashing their husbands who weren't even present to defend themselves! I know for a fact that those same men swept them off their feet when they were young and in love.

My mother and father have been married for 34 years and I have never, ever heard my mom bash my dad. Not even to joke. She always uplifts and praises him. Her example makes the idea of putting down husbands really odd and distasteful to me.

So rather than join in on the " husband bashing" I quietly walked away and stayed away. To me, if a woman bashes her husband it tells me more about herself than about the man. It tells me that the woman never understood the role of a woman in marriage, or she has never been a good judge of character. Either way it makes the woman look bad when she bashes the man she agreed to marry.

And I wish I could say that the above scenario is the only time men are put down but its not. Man bashing has become a way of life for countless women in society today. It is everywhere from conversations with friends to TV shows to the movies. The media says that its okay to make men look dumb, sloppy, and undesirable for women to respect. And it has done such a good job of doing this that even the men these days are starting to believe it too.

But why do so many women readily accept this behavior of man bashing? Why is it so wrong to follow men and let them " wear the pants in the house?"

Although media is a strong influencer I think the problem runs much deeper... into the very core of every woman. The desire for control and power. And the Bible tells us this has been the case from the very beginning... from the moment Eve ate the forbidden fruit in order to be like God.

" But the serpent said to the woman, ' You will not die; for God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.' So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate..." ~ Genesis 3: 4-6

It is wrong to put men down simply because of the way they are wired. It is wrong to make fun of men for simply being men. Remember ladies that men are made in the image of God and should be respected. And even though men may seem tough and unscathed by cruel words or bad attitudes the truth is that they are tender inside. Cruel words hurt. Period. Bad attitudes are never appreciated. And putting down your husband is putting down yourself.

" Then the Lord God said to the woman, ' What is this you have done?' The woman said, ' The serpent tricked me, and I ate.'" ~ Genesis 3:13

Eve never took responsibility for her actions. Instead she blamed the serpent for the decision she ultimately made for herself. She chose to believe the serpent. She chose to take the fruit and eat it. Eve did it all by herself.

So ladies, married or not, don't take part in putting down men and making fun of them. Its not cool. Lets stop repeating Eve's mistake in blaming everyone else around us for the mistakes we make and lets guard our tongues. Men are wonderful! Love them! Respect them! Treat your husbands like the best men in the universe and they will live up to it. And for those of us who are still single, what better way to practice being better wives than by watching our thoughts and attitudes towards the opposite sex now!

12 comments:

Robert Madewell said...

"And the Bible tells us this has been the case from the very beginning... from the moment Eve ate the forbidden fruit in order to be like God."

Oh Boy do I have a problem with that! Sincerity, don't you know that the bible has been used to suppress women for millenia? I (as a man) see nothing wrong with women voicing their opinions. As a matter of fact, I do not want to have the responsibility of "ruling over" another human being. I have enough trouble with myself. Having to micro-manage my wife's life would not be practicle at all.

"It is wrong to put men down simply because of the way they are wired. It is wrong to make fun of men for simply being men. Remember ladies that men are made in the image of God and should be respected."

IMHO, men are no more made in God's image than women are. It would also be just as wrong to give men respect for simply being male. No man should be respected on the sole virtue of his gender. Doesn't everybody deserve a bit of respect for being human, regardless of gender? I think so.

"Eve never took responsibility for her actions. Instead she blamed the serpent for the decision she ultimately made for herself. She chose to believe the serpent. She chose to take the fruit and eat it. Eve did it all by herself."

Do you also believe that Heracles helped Atlas hold the sky while he retrieved some magic apples? If not, what better evidence do you have that Eve ate the wrong fruit after listening to a talking snake? Both stories are told in an ancient book that was at one time or another considered to be inspired by a God or gods. So what's the difference?

"So ladies, married or not, don't take part in putting down men and making fun of them. Its not cool."

I agree! It's not cool to do that to anybody.

"Men are wonderful! Love them! Respect them!"

No, not all of them. You actually have me concerned by that statement. Trust me. There are some brutes and bullies out there. I hope you can avoid getting involved with any of them because there are men that'll only hurt you.

"Treat your husbands like the best men in the universe and they will live up to it. And for those of us who are still single, what better way to practice being better wives than by watching our thoughts and attitudes towards the opposite sex now!"

Oh, please be careful. Not everybody can live up to your expectations. It's great that you're learning to respect others and learning to give them the benefit of the doubt. But, do realize that there are some real dingleberries out there. Recognize them for what they are before you get hurt. BTW, there are some real abusive husbands out there. Husbands like that do not deserve to be treated like the best men in the universe.

SINCERITY said...

Mr. Madewell: Thanks for you thoughts. And thank you also for you well-intentioned concerns.

I have wonderful examples in my life of men being the protectors, providers, and leaders. It is because of these men that I know, and can confidently say, good men still exist! :)
But I also have examples of men who are not trustworthy, kind, or safe to be with. So I am aware of those bad examples too.

Wow. There are a lot of issues only hinted at here. I will clarify though, that women should never be doormats. Nor, for that matter, should men.

It is never okay to allow anyone to abuse you, physically, emotionally, or psychologically. But the point I wanted to focus on in this post is only on situations where women, married to decent men, practice bashing their husbands for no good reason. And yes men could do this too, but since I'm not a man... I'm just going to speak from a woman's perspective. :)

As for the Bible suppressing women... I agree there are cults and individuals who misinterpret, and even teach, that the Bible encourages abuse. But remember that the Bible is only one tool that those individuals use to hurt others.

The Bible teaches the exact opposite. In fact, I have gained much self-esteem and encouragement from the Bible because of all it teaches about women! Some of my favorite stories of women are in there! Have you read the story of Esther or Ruth? How about the story of Debra? What about the story of Mary? Or Mary Magdalene?
The book of Proverbs is also filled with all sorts of wise counsel.
And Jesus himself stated that husbands should honor their wives.

I agree that micro-managing anyone's life would be unpracticable. Actually, it would be down-right impossible! Which is why the Bible teaches that men and women put God first in their lives over anyone and everything else. In this way they can better focus on their personal attitudes and behaviors according to what God teaches them.

WELCOME TO MY WORLD OF POETRY: said...

I read this excellent write with much interest. I can well see your point of view, It is not nice to hear women bashing their husband/partner. One day these same women may become widows what will their thoughts be then?
Your write was very thought provoking and as I've already said excellently written.

Thank you for visiting my blog and the lovely comment, much appreciated.

Yvonne.

Margaret Cloud said...

I have never bashed my husband in public, if I have a beef with him, I tell him so and we talk about it. I also do not like to hear husbands being put down. I am a private person when it come to martial things. Thank you doe coming by, have a great week.

Joseph Pulikotil said...

Hi:)

Greetings:)

I was stunned to read your post because I think you are one of the few women in the world who wants justice for men. TV, news papers, magazines etc. only talk of men being cruel to women. It is always propagated that men are evil and they should not be treated with respect. All the laws are for women.

Under the Domestic Violence Act in India, a married woman can get her husband into serious trouble by making a complaint with the police that the husband is harassing her. Many women take advantage of this act and get their husbands into trouble. It takes lot of time,money, mental agony and trouble for the husband to prove his innocence and extricate himself from the clutches of law.

Many Christians don’t have strong belief in the Bible. They will agree what suits them and misinterpret what is not agreeable to them. If they doubt and dispute the Bible which is the basis of Christianity, how can they call themselves Christians? This is something which I don’t understand. If every single Christian in the world is going to interpret the Bible then where is the sanctity of the Bible?

Preachers have become business people. Look at the life styles of some of them. They are rich and live in luxury. They misinterpret the Bible to suit their audience and accept huge donations from them. I find so many churches have sprung up in the modern days like mushrooms. The preachers are not even trained in theology and philosophy. The have a gift of the gab.

I fully agree with you that married women talking against their husbands is revolting and disgusting. Marital issues must be sorted out at home and not aired in public. When a women talks against her husband in public, you take it from me that marriage is not going to last.
I agree there are mad men, cruel men, criminal men just as there are women of this kind. But majority of the men and women are good people. This should be clearly understood.

My hearty congratulation for writing this wonderful and thought provoking post. There are any number of men who take up for the women but there are very few brave women who will call a spade a spade. I salute you!

Have a bright and beautiful day
Joseph

SINCERITY said...

welcome to my world of poetry: Welcome! Thanks for visiting! And thank you for your kind words too. :)

You know... you have a point there. I think maybe part of the problem with women who practice
" husband bashing" is that they are not looking at the bigger picture. In many ways those women rely upon their husbands.

You're right. If something did happen to their spouses I think many would be distraught.

SINCERITY said...

Margaret Cloud: Welcome and thank you for visiting!

I love what you shared in your comment about being private with your marital relations. I so deeply wish more married couples would share their insight and experiences on-line. So many young people are searching for advice, encouragement, and a " nudge in the right direction."

And I, as a single, appreciate honest info about the relationship of marriage. :)

SINCERITY said...

Joseph: Wow! Thank you! *I'm blushing*

And Amen brother! :)

It is true that many marriages are falling apart now because there is a chronic disregard for respect between couples. Its so sad to see and even more depressing to see it repeat over and over again!

I think there are a lot of people in the world who like to be called Christians when everything is going well in life. But the moment they meet opposition, or threats, or worse, they step back and try to blend in with whatever thinking is most popular. They do it because, as you stated, they never really believed the Bible was true to begin with.

I too have witnessed the rise of the " business churches." Some of them are so large they could rival shopping malls! Some even have their own cafes and video-game rooms! That's not a church its an entertainment center... a club.

Jesus was furious with this kind of mentality and blatant disregard for the scriptures and what the church stands for. Mark 11: 15-17

*sigh* Jesus is so cool.

girlintheroom said...

I love your perspective on this and if you don't mind I would love to share it with my Women's group. I struggled for a long time placing blame upon others, yes my husband included, I figured well, they are men... they can't help it, men suck. And it's just so not true! The fact is that we were both created in God's image and there is a plan for both of us! If we treat our husbands badly in a marriage what do we expect? A wonderful happy marriage? Same goes on the flip side. There is such a lack of respect between the two that we are disconnected. Society tells us that this is proper. The Bible tells us that this is wrong. We are getting our info from all the wrong places!

SINCERITY said...

girlintheroom:

Yes! I totally agree!

Of course you may share with your Women's group. I'm thrilled I can be an encouragement to others.

Yup. So many of us listen to all the wrong influences. But God is good. He shows us what is right when we turn to him for wisdom and direction!

Anonymous said...

We, yet again, witness an intellectually and spiritually constipated blog author
who has obviously feared reading a book written by iron age goat herders.

“Judge not, that ye be not judged” (Matthew 7:1) and

“Judge not, and ye shall not be judged, condemn not and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven” (Luke 6:37)

might be a good place to ponder sins you've publicly exhibited in your many posts.

You paranormal supernatural guy in the sky who impregnated a teenager who gave birth to a water walking wizard.... not only bashed men as the book says time and again, he KILLED them in the millions, along with women and children he was bashing.

algelic said...

I agree with your opinion. Women shouldn't say such things about their companions.

Whenever I talk to others about my boyfriend, it's just to praise him. I also know he'd never say a bad thing about me to anyone.
When we're alone we don't insult each other ever, not even jokingly. If I ever hurt him unintentionally, I know immediately and I apologize.

Women should talk to their partners about what's troubling them. They'll probably try to fix it.