May 23, 2007

Loneliness: Being Single

As stated in my previous post there are many forms of loneliness, which by itself is not abnormal or unhealthy. At some point in life everyone experiences it. Today's post is focused on the loneliness people feel for simply being single. And I think this particular type of loneliness, although also experienced by men, is strongest in women. We are, by nature, the nurturers, the future mothers, and the romantic sentimentalists. You would be pretty hard pressed not to find a little girl who didn't daydream, at least once, about being a bride or mother... or both!

There is nothing wrong in desiring the one person who completes you... your soulmate. But for many of us there are dangers with this loneliness. One of the biggest issues is that it is a symptom of a deeper problem. Many women feel they are not " complete" if they don't have a guy on their arm. Others buy into the lie that in order for your life to have meaning or accomplishment means you must get married or have a special someone.
A large majority of women settle for " the next best thing" and just live with a guy they hope will one day decide to marry them. And many women feel that free sex is the best way to feel loved and gain a guy's affections. But the truth is that none of these things actually work. They only aggravate loneliness.
So what can a gal do?
First, be honest about why you feel the way you do. Ask yourself the tough questions. Such as: Why do I feel so empty without a guy? Is who I am less important than who I want to be? Would my life really be a disaster/ failure if I don't get the guy?
Second, take a no-nonsense look at what you are allowing to influence your thinking. This includes tv shows, the internet, movies, music, anime... you fill in the blanks. Chances are, if you are struggling with loneliness because your single, there are things you are watching, reading, and/or listening to that are encouraging this type of thinking. Get Rid Of Them!!
Third, learn to nip derrogatory thoughts about yourself in the bud. Its true that there are a lot of outside influences that affect us, but its also true that we are our own worst enemy. When you start hearing things like, " I'm just not good enough/ pretty enough," or " If only I had so-and-so's luck" watch out! Be quick to recognize thoughts that are untrue and put them in their place.
Fourth and finally, learn to accept your singleness. Life has many different stages. It could be that being single will not last your entire life so learn to appreciate and enjoy the freedom you have now. But more than that, learn to use your freedom to help others. I cannot emphasize this point enough! When all we do is focus on ourselves and our own little worlds we are miserable. But when we see others and look for ways to help them, encourage them, enrich their lives, a funny thing happens... you start to mature and learn and experience things you would never have otherwise. It makes you a more interesting person and a wiser one. Single or not those are qualities that are attractive on anyone.
Being single can be a wonderful thing but watch out that your loneliness doesn't drive you to make decisions you will later regret. Learn to take care of yourself by being healthy in what you eat, how you exercise, and what you allow to form your thinking.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."


A Life Inspired said...

Your words, so true. I fought my singleness for years. But in just the past couple of years, God showed me how special my single years truly were. All the nights, weekends, and holidays I had no one to share my thoughts, dreams, time, and quiet moments with, I often turned to Him. And because of that, my knowledge of and intimacy with God grew so much deeper than it ever would had I been married all those years.

It was nice to hear from you today. Stay in blog-touch!

algelic said...

For a long time I was miserable because I was single and alone. Then I understood that I'd rather be all alone than being with someone who didn't apreciate me or didn't truly loved me. While my friends indulged in countless meaningless relationships, I decided that I would only establish a relationship with love.
Right now I'm not sad because I'm single. I feel fine and have other priorities in my life which take up my time. Maybe one day I'll find that special someone. Until then, I'm fine alone.

A relationship with love is unlike any other. It's well worth waiting for. I know because I've been lucky enough to experience it. ^^

Sasha said...

Great advice! :) I definitely agree that a lot of women want marriage and maybe children to feel accomplished or complete, and there can be a lot of pressure from family because it's expected. I asked my mom why she wants us to have children so badly, and she said, "To see you suffer like I did!" haha.

I'm really enjoying being single now, though I'm sure I will tire of it. I like not worry about how someone's decisions are going to affect my life (and vice versa).

Sincerity said...

a life inspired:

I think everyone, single or not, experiences times when they feel loneliness.

And I think everyone feels that because we were all created to yearn for companionship.

Everyone desires to be accepted, understood, and loved... but only God can truly fill that yearning.

And your absolutely correct. Its when we feel lonely that we can best hear God speak. He whispers to us and reveals His love so abundantly.

Sincerity said...


You're on the right track. Its healthy and good to find goals and use time wisely to gain new skills.

Love is always worth waiting for. Never settle for anything less. Never.

Sincerity said...


The freedom one experiences as a single is wonderful. And its true that you don't have to worry about your life going in any direction because of choices a spouse would make.

But for those times when you wish you had somebody be on guard... that's when your most vulnerable to making choices you might regret later on.

Its kind of like how one should never go grocery shopping when hungry. Because your decision making is completely influenced by what your feeling and not so much by what you really need.

ceecee said...

Hm, my sister, who is only 20 years old, always felt as if she was lonely. She was one of those women who desperately needed a man in her life. I tried to convince her she did not need one at the moment - she had to focus on her life and her college career. Sadly, she fell for the wrong guy, got pregnant, and now I'm an auntie. Sometimes I felt as if no matter how hard my mom and I spoke with my sister, it was no use. She went down the wrong path, and we are hoping it won't be too late to get on the right one.

Sincerity said...

I'm so sorry for all the struggles you and your family are going through. We all make mistakes and/or wrong choices, although not always in such a life-impacting way.

I think supporting your sister, as you have been, is the right way to go. But that's not always easy, is it?

There is a scripture verse that aims at comforting people who struggle with serious burden. It goes:
" Come unto me, all you who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

In my experience God has never lied. Folks don't have to go to a church to find Him. A Bible is the best way. And its private.

Borrego said...

I love that picture.