Loneliness: Being Single

As stated in my previous post there are many forms of loneliness, which by itself is not abnormal or unhealthy. At some point in life everyone experiences it. Today's post is focused on the loneliness people feel for simply being single. And I think this particular type of loneliness, although also experienced by men, is strongest in women. We are, by nature, the nurturers, the future mothers, and the romantic sentimentalists. You would be pretty hard pressed not to find a little girl who didn't daydream, at least once, about being a bride or mother... or both!

There is nothing wrong in desiring the one person who completes you... your soulmate. But for many of us there are dangers with this loneliness. One of the biggest issues is that it is a symptom of a deeper problem. Many women feel they are not " complete" if they don't have a guy on their arm. Others buy into the lie that in order for your life to have meaning or accomplishment means you must get married or have a special someone.
A large majority of women settle for " the next best thing" and just live with a guy they hope will one day decide to marry them. And many women feel that free sex is the best way to feel loved and gain a guy's affections. But the truth is that none of these things actually work. They only aggravate loneliness.
So what can a gal do?
First, be honest about why you feel the way you do. Ask yourself the tough questions. Such as: Why do I feel so empty without a guy? Is who I am less important than who I want to be? Would my life really be a disaster/ failure if I don't get the guy?
Second, take a no-nonsense look at what you are allowing to influence your thinking. This includes tv shows, the internet, movies, music, anime... you fill in the blanks. Chances are, if you are struggling with loneliness because your single, there are things you are watching, reading, and/or listening to that are encouraging this type of thinking. Get Rid Of Them!!
Third, learn to nip derrogatory thoughts about yourself in the bud. Its true that there are a lot of outside influences that affect us, but its also true that we are our own worst enemy. When you start hearing things like, " I'm just not good enough/ pretty enough," or " If only I had so-and-so's luck" watch out! Be quick to recognize thoughts that are untrue and put them in their place.
Fourth and finally, learn to accept your singleness. Life has many different stages. It could be that being single will not last your entire life so learn to appreciate and enjoy the freedom you have now. But more than that, learn to use your freedom to help others. I cannot emphasize this point enough! When all we do is focus on ourselves and our own little worlds we are miserable. But when we see others and look for ways to help them, encourage them, enrich their lives, a funny thing happens... you start to mature and learn and experience things you would never have otherwise. It makes you a more interesting person and a wiser one. Single or not those are qualities that are attractive on anyone.
Being single can be a wonderful thing but watch out that your loneliness doesn't drive you to make decisions you will later regret. Learn to take care of yourself by being healthy in what you eat, how you exercise, and what you allow to form your thinking.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

Loneliness: Missing Friends

Loneliness is something that everyone feels from time to time. By its simple nature it is not unhealthy but it can be very powerful. And since loneliness is a universal, human experience I am dedicating a few posts to this topic. If you know anyone who needs a little encouragement then send them this way. I will also be posting links to web-sites for further investigation should anyone be interested.

Today's topic is on the loneliness we feel when we miss friends, those people who make life a little-bit more fun and bearable...

Life has a way of separating folks. Looking back across the years I can see how friends gave me encouragement by just being near. And as you get older you start to see how and when people came into your life. Friendships can feel many times like a revolving door. Some friends stay by you all your life while others only stay for a little while and then fade away... a treasured memory with a face.

But it has been my experience that when you start missing a friend, especially a friend you haven't seen in a while, its always a good idea to try and contact them. Even a simple phone call can make all the difference! And nearly everytime I have followed through on a feeling like this my friend will tell me they were also thinking of me. Many times it would be the case that we were both going through something challenging in life and needed a little pick-me-up.

Sometimes I will write hand-written letters instead of sending an e-mail or printing my thoughts out. There is something very special and unique about anything hand-made but especially when it comes to letters. Other times I will send a card just for the sake of letting a good friend know I'm thinking of them. And I have yet to have anyone tell me they disliked recieving a letter in the mailbox.
Music is another way to let friends know what your thinking. If you have time take a look at my " ipod" in the right column. The tune " Call Me Call Me" is one that has been an instant favorite. Friends say they love the words.

But, details of communication aside, maybe the biggest reason to act on your loneliness for friends is simply because they really mean something to you. LET PEOPLE KNOW THAT. Tell them, in any way you can, that you care about their lives and that you are thankful they have touched yours. Because as crazy and unpredictable as life is getting these days, you never know when you might not get another chance.

Remember that any effort to touch a friend's life is appreciated and it makes the pain of loneliness so much more bearable. You grow and mature when you start looking for ways to encourage others... and you create an important support group for those times in life when its you who needs the pick-me-up.

Until next time!

" Never abandon a friend- either yours or your father's. Then you won't need to go to a distant relative for help in your time of need." Proverbs 27: 10