April 28, 2015

True Love and The Friend Zone

Life has been busy this year.  God is stretching me in many areas of my life.  And its only April!
One of the more emotional areas of growth has been the ever morphing relationships with my guy friends.  One in particular.

These guy friends and I have been doing a lot together for about four-ish years.  Of course I have more friend girls then friend guys but the point I want to make is that these men have been in my same social circles for a significant amount of time.

We all had many game nights, movie nights, lunches after church and all manner of excursions.  It has been a lot of fun.  And then, all-of-a-sudden... something changed.  

I suppose I should have gotten the hint that all was not well when my friend gals and my guy friends' friend gals stopped attending excursions, frequently hitting the "Maybe" button on Facebook invites if they responded at all.

These guy friends always showed up to anything I planned or attended and soon began inviting me to their excursions too, along with my friend gals of course.  But it soon became apparent to me that the gals were backing out on purpose and no matter how I asked them they would kindly give some version of, " I am too busy."

It was during one lunch after church that I made a final decision.  As usual an invite was sent out with a string of "Maybe" responders.  I decided to attend hoping that would encourage others to do the same.  But it did not.

That day I was the only gal that showed up to the lunch.  And after an hour or two I prepared to leave.  As I did so every man in the room stood up and I turned around to say goodnight.  That was the moment I felt like Snow White with the Seven Dwarfs.  Not that any of the guys were small in stature and that's not to say that there is anything wrong with being short.  Nor were there exactly seven guys.

Basically I felt like the Belle of the ball.  My guy friends were looking at me in a way that made me feel beautiful and appreciated and I remember wondering why no other gals decided to arrive.

But I worried that my guy friends were getting the wrong impression about why I was the only gal spending time with them.  So I began declining events when no friend gals joined in.  It was not long after this decision that one of my guy friends asked to speak with me after a church service.

And only moments after finding a quiet corner he expressed his deeper feelings for me.  I, for the most part, did an excellent job of not letting me jaw drop to the floor.  This guy friend took me by complete surprise.  I never thought he felt anything but friendship for me.  And the fact that he took the initiative to tell me in person, not even by smartphone, really impressed me.

He made it clear that he wanted to move our friendship to one of dating with the purpose of getting to know each other better.  And I was touched and impressed by his willingness to be rejected.  That took guts and it took trust in God.  A mentor later told me that it also showed the level of trust he felt with me. So I agreed to give us both a chance and see where God might lead us.

Several months and several dates later he is still interested in moving forward.  But my feelings for him remain that of friendship and nothing more.  And so a few trusted mentors have encouraged me to have " the talk" with him sooner rather than later.  It isn't fair to continue a dating relationship if I know my feelings for him will not change.  We are both desiring a spouse and so letting this relationship go can free us to find the right match.

It is no fun to be the one suffering love-sickness and it is no fun to be the one who has to dash the hopes of something more.  Why is it that men and women can fall in love with someone who doesn't reciprocate?

Can I ask you to please join me in praying over this situation?  I need God's guidance. 

As for the other guy friends, several are still around.  A few have definitely shunned me which causes me to wonder if more than one friend wanted to ask me out. Those individuals have not even showed up at church anymore.  *sigh*  I suppose its a blessing I was not hoping for more than friendship with those men.

I Corinthians 13:4-8a
" Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs....
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. Love never fails..."

Painting: "A Difference of Opinion" by Sir Lawrence Alma Tadema 


Life thrue grace said...

lovely blog, i see many blogs on internet true others and so i found yours...i follow most of the time blogs with the same hobbys as i have...just for fun, when i have time...thanks for sharing, will visit again..blessings

A daughter of Christ said...

That must be a difficult situation to be in. I pray that the Lord gives you wisdom.

I just discovered your beautiful blog tonight. Thank you for sharing your writing. It is always encouraging to find other blogs written by Christian young women. Keep looking up!

"But let us who are of the day be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love, and as a helmet the hope of salvation."
1 Thess. 5:8

SimplySincerity said...

Life thru Grace: Hello and welcome. Thank you for visiting! Hobbies are wonderful fun aren't they? I'm happy this post was an encouragement to you.

A Daughter of Christ: Welcome and thank you for your prayers. I am always thankful when others are encouraged by what I share.

God bless and feel free to visit again.