February 15, 2013

Women, Words, and Men

I decided to set some time aside and share an important topic on my heart.   The topic is how the words of women affect men.

Have you ever been in a conversation or at a dinner when suddenly one of your girlfriends starts talking about everything she dislikes about men she knows?  Or have you ever witnessed a married woman poke fun at her husband in public? Or have you ever witnessed a woman flat out criticize and belittle a man in front of his friends?

I have.  To all of the above.  Not a pretty picture.

Like it or not our words have influence and how we say our thoughts have power.  We can either lift up or destroy those around us. Why do I say this?  Because our words represent inner thoughts and attitudes.

There are times when women simply don't understand the ways of men and vice versa.  But just because we can get frustrated doesn't give us the excuse to get angry at men. 

And, focusing on us single gals, just because that cute guy you like doesn't ask you out doesn't give you the right to hold a grudge against him.

Many women get upset when the men in their lives don't help or comfort or say or do what is "expected" of them.  May I just say... men cannot read our minds no matter how long they have known us.  Women need to be clear not mean about what they want or need.  We women are naturally much more intuitive than men.  Of course there are exceptions but not too many.

Neither is it okay to jab at the pride of men with jokes that are, in some women's minds, cleverly veiled attempts to "get back at him."  Those women think they get away with it but guess what?  Those bitter attitudes are not something you can hide.  People can tell, especially other women.

Instead of using the power of our words to cut men down how about finding at least one good thing about each guy in our lives and praising them on that.  Genuine compliments are also much appreciated.

Instead of pointing out negatives about men around me I have gotten into the habit of taking them to God in prayer.  Along that same vein, I thank God for the men in my life and ask Him to bless them and help them become men of honor.  Our words have power yes but prayer is even stronger.  Test it and see for yourselves.

The truth is if we women put men down often enough then the men retreat.  They avoid women and hang out more with their buddies or video games or jobs etc.  Men learn that they can never be good enough to please a woman and are afraid to try again.  Or they become bitter and start believing that all women are the same and aren't worth the effort.

Believe-it-or-not men need gentleness and kindness and patience too.  No matter what they may look like on the outside, or how accomplished they may be, all men have sensitive hearts.  Its just that some, as with women, are better at guarding them than others.

A kind word of encouragement, a praise on something done right, affirming that they are appreciated, all these things and more help men grow in confidence and character.  The words women speak can have such an amazing affect on men! 

" Kind words are like honey-sweet to the soul and healthy for the body."
~ Proverbs 16:24


Denise said...


T-Childs said...

Ah, this is an excellent and deeply insightful post and highly topical for me too. I am writing a Christian self-help book, which I hope sooner or later is going to get published, and at this time I was writing a chapter about why nice guys come last. Often it seems that women prefer the 'bad boy', the guy who gives them the runaround, the guy who never pays, the guy who might in the end be also stringing other women along whilst he's supposed to be in a relationship with you, as opposed to the boring, dependable, easygoing guy who wants one woman to love, and one woman to love him. Men, of course, just like women, don't want to appear boring, we all want to seem exciting and different and interesting. But the reality is that most of us have interests and can be interesting we all can be boring as well. It's all perspective. So some men become what they think women want; and this is no way to live. I wrote that Christian men and women should not treat each other horribly, even if in the world this is very very common. I also wrote that if you are looking for a perfect soul mate, you also have to be the perfect soul mate for somebody too.

Yes, I concur with you, some women can be incredibly cruel to men, by what they say. And we men are aware that when some women get together they bitch and bitch about how bad men are, and say in the same breath they are all looking for a decent caring man to love, and then they end up with the bad boy who treats them sometimes awfully and ends up leaving them 5 years down the line for another woman!!! We men sometimes are confused by all this.

I am fairly good looking guy and, not a word of a lie, I have often been aware of women's attention. If you don't go up to this sort of woman and chat her up, she holds a grudge against you, instead of being nice to you. I've experienced this so many times and although I am not George Clooney or anything like that, it hurts. I imagine many men could say the same. We all bleed, and we all can be hurt.

The battle of the sexes is real; but it's part of our Christian walk to understand that bitterness between people for any reason is not for us, it is very much a part of the world.

morgan. said...

YES, yes, YES.

i have a grandmother who speaks very well of my grandfather, especially in front of him, even though we all know he has annoying habits that she could rant about. but she chooses to focus on the positive.

& lets just say, it's their 50th anniversary this year. so i'm defintely going to model the way i treat my man after my grandmother.

also, i love that you take it to the Lord in prayer. He can really lift your angst & give you love & forgiveness in return. much more satisfaction than being mean to a guy could.

Frank Blasi said...

I have only discovered your article through Tim Child's page.
I too have come across crude jokes made by women against men, particularly on Facebook.
An excellent post.


Denise: Yes. :)

T-Childs: What a great goal to write a book! I hope that God continues to guide you in its creation and that it would be a blessing to every reader.

I'm sorry that women have been harsh with you. It does hurt to be judged by others when they don't even take the time to know you.

But you are correct to let go of bitterness. Which can be difficult when it is in our faces. Bitterness can be contagious unfortunately.

God is able to help us all through our deepest hurts and longings. I have seen it so many times that I can't believe He wouldn't continue to do the same for those of us who trust Him even when we don't see immediate answers.

Blessings to you.


morgan: What a beautiful example God has given you and your family! Your grandmother is a gem! It takes great character to resist bitterness and anger.

And I'm impressed with how long your grandparents have been together. It is certainly admirable that they both have made a point of focusing on the positive qualities in each other.

Actions speak louder than words many times but our actions can also give our words more power.

Frank: Welcome! Yes, unfortunately Facebook has been the battleground for many nasty attitudes. It is such a shame that some women believe it is okay to treat men so disrespectfully.

But I've been noticing that those same women tend to damage all their relationships... even with other women. So ultimately it is a heart issue and that only God can change.

Prayer is such a powerful tool!

Anonymous said...

This male appreciates everything that you posted. God bless, sister.


lgsquirrel: Thank you for the encouragement. God bless you as well.